what a drag…

The Worst thing that can happen to a Man

Posted in Education, Incidents, Just Anything, Observations by iambeyond on April 9, 2012

We have been seeing recently many instances of fights between two countries, two sporting teams, two men etc. Among all the fights that happen, the one between a man and a woman is the worst on the eyes. Imagine a girl tearing away the clothes of a guy, pulling his hair off by repeatedly attacking his scalp, shouting directly into the face, with woes and cries? Could something be even more bad? Poor guy cannot even fight back, because hitting a woman is considered unmanly. This is a Catch-20 situation. Meanwhile, those of you reading this post might be imagining that I had a fight with a woman, well No! I would never dare do something of that sort. The inspiration for this article is “Emotional Atyachar” programme. Shockingly, I have seen, some of the worst bitching from women too, on the show. The show makes for an interesting watch, provided you would like to waste some time worrying about the plight of bitches and bastards, who demean themselves on the show.

“Love”, the ever so pure word. And all the adherants and followers of this strange/highly dangerous word, say that Love gives meaning to Life. What about the double meanings that Love gives? First and foremost, I have observed that for some Love begins with an assumption that the intensity of fun in love will never decrease, the Kadva-Chauth, the late night calls, the emotional sobs and laughs, well they are supposedly forever! Seriously? I mean, the beginning phase of love, the first few months, are wonderful, because the intensity is the maximum and the fun-quotient is very high. As the time passes, you cannot expect everything to remain the same. There is bound to be some misunderstanding between the boy and girl, because misunderstandings are just difference in opinions or just mistakes. Women sometimes, tend to become very possessive, and then they develop all kinds of anxieties. If they find that their partners have cheated, they become Mad, and start taking that anger in the form of most abusive violence ever seen among all species. :-) It is not the fault of these women, they are just expressing their own anger, and this is the worst thing that can happen to a man.

Sometimes, Women think so much that they misunderstand the guy. They might even punish him by breaking all ties and leaving forever. And this poor guy is always a villian in her eyes. Who knows he might be innocent! This is one more worst thing that can happen to a guy. Well, there are so many complications when someone starts expecting something from you, it kills me!

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Back to Blogging Again!

Posted in Funny, Just Anything, Observations by iambeyond on September 13, 2010

Hello everyone. I am back to Blogging again, back from Chennai, back from an absence from Blogging. Well, you know, these days I don’t have much time for blogging and browsing. But, I am still committed to continue and be regular on this blog. My Blog hits have taken a dip, and my blogged had nearly snapped.

Today I am sitting in a dark room, on a plastic chair, and thinking about a topic which I can write here.  Strange enough, writing a blog makes me feel like I am talking to myself, it feels like home. I have already come out with a topic, and that is going to be Sense of Humor.

Well, Heavens are strange, they force you do something and blame everything on you for which you are not responsible, well you will just be a witness most of the times in this playground of fate. I have been forced to witness Sense of humor of various Individuals. You know the western philosophy, they feel that humor is good and great asset. But does western philosophy put any boundaries or limits for Humor? I am not much of a scholar of Western Philosophy nor do I know anything about it. But I have seen some of Western Humor and seems like Humor might go beyond respect as long as it makes others laugh. Many follow the philosophy of “Make others laugh, doesn’t matter if you have to make fun of/humiliate yourself for making others laugh”, well, after long observations and experiences, I say with confidence that this is bullshit philosophy to humiliate or belittle yourself to make others laugh. In fact the one who deserves your respect the most in this world is you. And if you humiliate/belittle yourself for anything in the world, you will start turning into a worm and shrink to the size of an ant, you will become a loser with inferiority complex. I have followed this philosophy myself and now am striving to come out of its bounds.

So rule Number 1 in regards to Effective Sense of Humor:

RULE 1: “Never give up Self-Respect”

Yes, my dear friends, The more self-respect you maintain at all times, the more better sense of humor you will have.

Well, the Rule no 2 is

Rule 2: “Never give up Self-Respect”

Yes, the only rule to effective sense of humor is “Never give up your self-respect”

The Gateway of Chennai

Posted in Chennai, Incidents, india by iambeyond on July 17, 2010

I am back at my sarcastic best again, this time from Chennai. On 8th of June I had been summoned to Hyderabad, the land of my dreams, my homeland etc. Four and Half months in Mysore was a good experience, but even in Mysore the pang of separation with my homeland was painful during the last few days at Mysore. After coming to Hyderabad, I thought I would be settled there never to go again on any long errand. But, you know something? Infosys is the mother of uncertainty and father of frustration, you never know when and where Infosys can land you, and this game of uncertainty and frustration was played on me too. And I got transferred to Chennai, the land of eternal heat and sweat.

I can venture to write only so much this time, I will keep updating you on my Chennai stay.

See You Guys

Rains, Floods and Flood lights…

Posted in Uncategorized by iambeyond on October 4, 2009

flood_stationroad2_thatcham_470x353

Yeah I am back again. After a long time, just to write something.

Actually the previous post should have been titled “Rainy Season”, after all I was talking about Rainy season. There were times when Hyderabad was so peaceful, those days were way back when I was 9-10 years old. I mean then rains used to come seasonally and bring about good tidings to farmers and everyone else. That was 10 years back.

The situation changed now, I cannot comprehend the way nature works. Nature is a sleeping dragon, if you tickle it ever slightly, it leaps forward and sends forth flames of destruction. In ten years everything changed drastically. Now rains come as if they are gonna eat away the Farmer’s crop, as if they are going to have picnic with destruction. In cities people are found hanging swimming on roads to reach the workplace, some are seen hanging on Current wires/poles. I think in future we need to travel in boats, look at it this way, Maruti, Honda, Skoda would be preparing special boats especially for Indian consumers. And swimming would be the biggest sport, replacing cricket….

What saddens me the most though is the plight of people. Thousands are being galloped away into the waters never to return back, many more are missing. Is our government so useless that it cannot provide safety against rains? Is India so unprepared? We have become careless…

And by the way Champions League 20-20 is coming. I don’t know whether it would generate as much interest as IPL, but lets see.

The irony is Flood lights will be shining bright in cricket stadiums when the country is submerged in floods. But do we care?

Cheers

Winter

Posted in Uncategorized by iambeyond on September 23, 2009
Time makes people sleepy :-P

Time makes people sleepy :-P

The days are dark. The nights are chilly, the fog never clears. Why not? This is winter. So winter is sure to have dark days and chilly nights. It does not matter much to me how the weather is. What matters is what the weather brings with it.

Summer had been good, when America and the world all over was suffocated with Swine Flu, we were very calm, enjoying the days. My friends used to laugh and say “Chi chi, America is full of flu, look at us Indians, it is hot here and no flu problems.” I always feel that something bad comes out of overconfidence.

I am not a sleeper, my slumber is only limited to the dark grey parts of the night. I wake up early, work, eat, exercise, but never sleep during day times. Initially in summer I would roam outside on my bike exploring various things, having conversations with various people, trying to understand how my city is thriving. Those were great days, mixed with fun and frolic and interspersed with delightful work. Yeah work is necessary.

Then came the winter. My favorite season. I was expecting much from it. Winter consisted my birthday, the day when even my father would happily give me gifts.

On September 1 2009, my father and mother were whispering “CM is missing”, I thought this might be some small incident without much to worry. Then again in the evening I was forced to watch TV, and in news channels there was a wave of Headlines squealing “CM is missing for 8 hrs”. I seriously thought this was some publicity stunt or some minor problem where CM got down somewhere and is cut down from communication.

Same day, 12.00 clock, many people said CM is perhaps dead. I still didn’t believe it.

September 2rd 2009, morning I got up. TV was on, and there was a thunderous exclamation “CM is still missing”.

Same day 12.00 PM, CM is dead. CM is dead. CM is dead. CM is dead. Everywhere I saw I was greeted with this message, there was no escape, all my thoughts about my birthday vanished and I was forcefully plunged by others into the world of shock and despair.

I tried to go out on my bike, do some shopping. But that day within moments of this news everything became standstill, and roads became hockey stadiums with no spectators. All shops closed. Everything, everything was shut down, even my mind. The TV channels were making the day more difficult.

September 3rd, my birthday, state bund, TV out, got many phone calls. Answered all. Then went to internet, got many wishes, especially from Orkut, Yahoo answers, And Facebook as well. This cheered me up temporarily. But, everywhere I saw on net I found these messages “CM is dead” “YSR Amar hai”, “tragedy” “What a fate?” etc.

One of my friends who is in America changed his Orkut profile name to “Tragedy” and profile pic into Chief Minister’s. Even internet seemed harsh to me then, why am I forcefully being made to believe that I should feel sad or cry loudly.

September 3rd, evening, got a call from my friend. He says “Happy Birthday” with a big laugh, i thought he was very happy cause of my birthday. Then he says “Let’s have a party tomorrow”, I said “Yeah, the birthday party!”, my friend says “No! Because CM died, I am happy that he died.” Of course this was the most different call of the day. And then my friend gave me full introduction about my chief minister’s misdeeds.

My birthday was boring, I had to watch TV while only News channels were available that day, and News channels were always playing the Gita in the background.

I shall continue in another post

Cheers

Just About Anything

Posted in Education, Just Anything by iambeyond on September 15, 2009

Hello friends, Yeah its me, the boring laid back next door boy writing this blog post again.

For the first time, I have decided to write something about myself, about my experiences etc. Why? For the heck of it I didn’t have any topics, got it? So I thought why not write about just anything.

I like writing, not because I am shakespeare in exile, but because I find it a comfortable medium to express my rude views. I have already written many posts, like Aryan Invasion, Blah blah etc, but haven’t released them. Why? Because even my most nerd friends say that it was a boring post, so out of embarrasment and guilt I did not release the post. Yesterday I was in mood for another post, but my mood changed quick enough. By the way, I don’t know what to write! I am not much extrovert either, nor am I going outdoors much for the scare of swine flu is reaching its new peak here in Hyderabad.

2009 was a roller coaster ride. My fourth year second semester seemed like an excursion. We had college 2 days a week, and remaining days we were asked to Attend Project training whereever we wanted to. As you are all aware, I couldn’t care less about Projects! After all I am the one person who never used to bring his Lab Records on the External Lab Examination Day :-P(I even laughed on the face of person asking Viva). So I joined a certain place, and believe me, I never went there to learn or pratice or even work on my project. A project which should officially last 6 months, 5 days a week. For me it only lasted 5 days in totality. I went there, paid the money, took the hardware kit, then again attended four classes and that’s it!

Now, you might call me Outrageously Careless Failure, but hey pals, I got 187/200 in my project! Why? Strictly because of my seminars. My seminars were good, and sometimes they were funny and teachers started laughing, and that was my jackpot, laughing teachers mean Marks. Don’t try this, because its very professional.

I still remember when I pulled pranks on two teachers in a seminar, and they were so embarrassed that they couldn’t ask any more questions to me. They had put their heads down, especially the male lecturer and never looked at me until I finished the seminar. And my project incharge was enjoying this, he was laughing, he was enjoying my thrashing of his colleagues and he gave me excellent marks. When I came out of the class, my project incharge shook my hands and said “Your seminar was enlightening.”

I am basically a good student. I mean I got 82% in the final year of Engineering(now who dares to call me careless?), and believe me I never studied in advance, never read anything. In fact i was MBBS(Members of Back Bench Students) haha, the second and third year of my college was spent in the last bench reading Lord of the Rings in between classes and mass bunking with my friends. And yet, why did I get good marks? There are two reasons: 1. Study well before exams and have conceptual knowledge (or) 2. I am Super Genius. Although I agree with the second option more(Yeah I am genius :D), first point is correct too.

After Engineering, my life has been Good. I am now doing something, at least I am earning through my Graphical skills, and Freelancing Prowess :)) Next is Infosys which is raring to take me and then plunge me into its world of boredom and software.

So, this has already become a big post. So its enough for today. I will continue afterwards.

See you

Comedy Circus?

Posted in Funny, Television by iambeyond on August 24, 2009

Hello friends,

What I am going to write in this post may offend some of you, some may find it ridiculous and some may like it. I don’t know how you people would take it, I just want to write my opinion, which I have the right to.

Recently, I was chatting with my friend, and we came across the topic of Stand Up Comedy and the current wave of laughter programs on TV. I asked him how he finds them? He replied “Wow! They are simply superb, I laugh like hell”, I was not happy with his reply so I changed the topic.

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After few days, another friend of mine came to my house and when we were watching TV, suddenly I kept a channel which was displaying laughter program. I changed the channel, but my friend became emotional and was literally shouting to put that channel back, I had to put it back. Some silly comedian dressed in a faltoo costume was talking fast and jumping, my friend watching all this was roaring with laughter “Haaa haa ha ha ha he he he he he”, after listening to my friend’s laughter my face expression changed into impassive, I internaly wondered “Why is this fellow behaving like this?”

Great Indian Laughter Challenge

I never watch these shows, so one day I decided to find the mystery behind the popularity of these programs. So I put this program on TV and started watching it. A lady came and gave a vague introduction. After the introduction two people(a male and female) came walking weirdly from behind the stage. Even before these people started speaking, two of the judges started laughing, I was wondering what was so funny? Are they Aliens dressed in Pyjamas?

These people(stand up comedians) started to speak. The first joke was OK, I did find it enjoyable, but after listening to judges laugh loudly I too began to laugh inspite of myself. Quickly regaining my senses, I waited for another joke. The second joke was a vulgar one, the third was vulgar too, the fourth was vulgar, and most of them were jokes sexually oriented ones. I was disgusted with this, and by the time I turned off the TV, the judges were out of their seats giving a standing ovation to the most idiotic act.

I began to analyse the cause for these programs generating big laughs. The reaon I found was “The Judges”. The Judges laugh at small things, they laugh even before a comedian speaks. They give standing ovations and wonderful comments. And these things usually create in viewers’ minds the idea that this program is very funny, that the comedy was really high standard. It is a psycological trick played to fool people into believing that the comedy was very good.

Oye, Bas Kar Yarr!

Oye, Bas Kar Yarr!

Why do you think Great Indian Laughter Challenge was a roaring success? Is it because of Sunil Pal or Raju Srivastava? No! It is because of Navjot singh Sidhu. This fellow laughs for literally anything. I wonder whether this fellow is mentally retarded or something. He jumps after every joke, shakes his whole body with laughter and then gives really wonderful comments like:

“If my aunty had been a man she would have been my uncle.”

“He is a constipated batsman/bowler, put’s in a lot of effort and has very little results to show for in the end.”

See how funny Sidhu is? He is better than a lot of them, and he makes others look better…

Slowly but surely we are beginning to accept the idea of sexual humor. these comedy shows portray women as sexual objects and nothing else. Not only women, even we men are showcased as dumbwitted idiots. You may object by saying that it is OK to watch them because you are strong enough not to follow them. But sadly the mind does not work that way. Today what you find funny will tomorrow become acceptable and the day after it becomes a necessity. This is how the mind works.

Sorry for a boring post!

Chaa Gaya Guru

Chaa Gaya Guru

5 Bad Movie Scenes

Posted in Funny, Movie, Video by iambeyond on August 17, 2009

You might be sitting under the fan, before your computer, and pressing your keyboard and mouse, at this particular instant you might feel that Technology has really developed and that human beings have achieved so much. But you might not have expected that there are different species of Human beings among us who have their own technology, their own style and what they create might actually baffle you. These special human beings create things which normal human beings find difficult to comprehend.

I have had the previlage of watching these special creations, and then at first my mind was numb, slowly then recovered from the shock and then let out the shrieks of agony, of pain, of complete innocence. Yes, my friends, the 5 totally Bad scenes which would make you laugh.

Lets get ready to watch the 5 bad scenes in movies:

5.

I am a big Rajinikanth fan, being a Rajini fan I didn’t want to include his own video. But I am forced to, this is really funny video. The funny part is that a dwarf child fights Kunfu and defeats a big adult person, and the sounds that are prodcued during the fight make this scene more hilarious.

4.

Do you know the Breaking news? Superman and Spiderwoman are in love. Yes, and they are flying in the skies singing and dancing. Wohoo! And they are Indian too!

3.

There is an old Indian saying “Man can achieve anything he wills”, and this is very true. But can you stop a train with will power? Who says no? You can! See this video….

2.

I agree that most of us can’t fight as fast as Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan or even Steven Segal. But, can you fight as slow as the man in this video? This fight scene ranks as the worst fights ever on movie, and the monster in this scene is so scary that your 6 year old kid would want it as a pet.

1.

You might have seen mobile phones which have MP3 capability, or Camera capability, touch screen, maps, etc. But have you ever heard a mobile phone which can be used to Perform a SURGERY? You heard it right “A SURGERY”. This technology is the first in world and only available in India. Captain Vijaykanth performs a surgery with mobile phones and marks a major development for Mankind.

So these were my 5 Bad scenes. Hope you people have enjoyed it.

See you

British Terminator

Posted in india by iambeyond on August 15, 2009

Hello,

As my blog ratings are touching the horizon, I have willed to write something, something bleak and out of context just for the sake of keeping my blog up to date. Just when everything seemed without any purpose, I have stumbled upon an Idea, and this idea marks the central theme of this Blog Post.

After many days, I have decided on writing something about our Culture and History, Blah Blah! But my friends, it is necessary that we know something about ourselves. Alright then, shall we begin the ride into this incomprehensibly complex yet most alluring piece of literature?

The Central idea my friends is “British Terminator”

terminator-4

Yeah, you have heard it right. You are also right that I must be out of my minds, but the title shall make sense, don’t worry if not now, but at least after reading this post maybe then you shall understand.

Vedas, as most of you might not have known, are not any texts or books. In fact they have never been written down until before 1000 years. Vedas, as they say are Shrutis(that which is heard), people believe that God’s have recited this Vedas to the quintessential preachers of humanity, the Rishis. When the Rishis have heard it, they have decided to  spread its teachings. They have agreed that Guru Shishya parampara would be the ideal way of spreading its teachings. And from the ages unknown until just before 1000 years, these Vedas have always been recited by a teacher to his student.

But, as you know, the British are fishermen trying to captain a Ship, they are naive beings with intellectual capabilities of a first grade American student but they have the aggression of lion and the true Kshatriya blood in them. Their purpose was to conquer, dominate and then destroy. Hence to make our country a truly dominated nation they have decided to change our History.
macaulay

British Government was Michael Jackson of the Colonial powers then, and they were as cunning as any Hollywood celebrity.

What did they do to change our History?

1. Pulp Fiction: Don’t worry, here the main lead is Max Muller, and the director is not Quentin Tarantino, it was British Government. Max Muller is perhaps the single most powerful entity responsible for the misconceptions about India in the world.

When I talk to my Western friends, they ask: “Do you Indians wear your pants upside down?”, “Do you people have only 20 teeth?”, “Do you burn your untouchables for the sake of fun?”, bullshit!

This Max Muller fellow wrote, edited, changed our Vedas, and interpreted them as a Mumbo Jumbo books which deal with people dancing half naked in front of fire. There are many more people who have misinterpreted Vedas, as British government directed them.

PP31257~Pulp-Fiction-Posters

———————————————————————————————-

Take an example of an English translation:

The Rigveda (8.48.3, tr. Griffith) states,

a ápāma sómam amŕtā abhūmâganma jyótir ávidāma devân c kíṃ nūnám asmân kṛṇavad árātiḥ kím u dhūrtír amṛta mártyasya

We have drunk Soma and become immortal; we have attained the light, the Gods discovered. Now what may foeman’s malice do to harm us? What, O Immortal, mortal man’s deception?

The Ninth Mandala of the Rigveda is known as the Soma Mandala. It consists entirely of hymns addressed to Soma Pavamana (“purified Soma”).

Now let’s see the translation of the above mantra as per Maharishi Dayanand Saraswati in line with Nirukta Bhashya. This mantra describes the advantages of grain eating.

“(Soma) Oh Lord! (apam) We drink the juice of the grain. (amritah abhum) We become amrit i.e. have long life; (jyotih aganm) we strive to achieve bodily strength and eternal glow; (avidaam) may we achieve (devaan) the strength of our senses; (kin krinvat) what can (asman) our (aratih) internal enemies do to us (noonam) in this condition? (amrit) Oh deathless Ish or God! (kim) what can (dhurtih) violent and (martasya) murderous people do to me?”

———————————————————————————————–

2. God’s Must Be Crazy: Can you believe it when I say that British people made Indian Gods pretty famous. How? They just misinterpreted them as millions of beings with thousands of hands and legs and spread it around the world.

gods-must-be-crazy-cover

3. Lord of the Rings: Return of the king: All the differences that exist now are due to Divide and Rule policy of British.

4. Shawshank Redemption: Thousands of Indian Kings were depicted in British written books as pure idiots and blood thirsty maniacs. Shivaji was depicted as a thief.

5. The Great Train Robbery: You have to agree guys, Britain nearly looted every riches that India had. From Kohinoor Diamond, Spices, Foods, Vegetables, Cotton, treasures, etc. Now they claim that they are rich and that we are pathetically poor people! It reminds me of the saying “A beggar can turn into king, but never shall his wants end”, this is true regarding Britain.

6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly: Nothing much remains to say, isn’t it? But you are wrong, there is a lot to say about the atrocities of British government. They were good to their own people, bad to foreigners and Ugly to Indians.

the_good_01_003

The main purpose of writing this post was to remind you people of the occasion of Independence Day, it was not to lament over the losses that we have suffered, but to work to achieve that we are capable of. Jai Hind.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, Brethren.

Yahoo! Answers

Posted in Yahoo! Answers by iambeyond on August 7, 2009

y_answerslogo_in

Hello Friends,

Its been many many days since I have written a blogpost. What can I do? I mean I didn’t have anything to write. After all my friends have been settling all around the world, I have been virtually in slumberland for most of the time and eating rest of the time. I mean where can I go? College is off, Haven’t decided on which course I can join, etc. Some of my school and college friends are really intent on maximum utilization of technological resources, I mean they want to chat on net, is that as interactive as our meets we used to have few months ago? No!

Everyone is living virtual these days! I am sure people would start speaking programming languages in Future. Like: Public Class(); PleaseGiveMeFood(); Void main(); Get real man, go and have some nature watching.

But recently my boredom tried to conquer me. Then I remembered something which I’ve left months back, and now it was suddenly more like reunion, it was Yahoo Answers. Yahoo Answers is an online community where people can ask questions or answers. The concept looks serious geek thing, but in reality Yahoo Answers is totally opposite of what you call “Nerd”.

ya2

The place is very nostalgic to me, I mean I’ve learned so much from it. I’ve been reputed as a no-nonsense, unemotional fool of a kid over there. Now, thats quite a reputation isn’t it? Although I agree that I am not much popular at Y!A, but I have some really good friends over there. People there are very warm and the best thing is they never expect anything out of you. It has changed me very much.

Now, lets see what Yahoo has to say about Yahoo Answers:

What is Yahoo! Answers?

Yahoo! Answers is an online community where you can ask questions on a range of topics, from the serious to the purely fun, and get answers from real people. Or you might help others by answering their burning questions. Either way, you have the chance to share ideas and information with millions of Yahoo! users about politics, sports, health, or whatever else interests you. By asking and answering questions you can accumulate points and build a reputation as a valuable and knowledgeable community participant.


I can still remember the humor and knowledge I had shared over there with friends, unknown people and sometimes with myself. The great thing is Y!A never seems like a virtual world, it seems more real than world one can perceive with eyes. A home away from home.

My points and Questions

My points and Questions

Whew! I became so emotional, so unlike me! I mean who would have imagined that I would write so much soap opera stuff at one stretch?

Bye

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